1000+ Funny Jokes 2025 latest

1000+ Funny Jokes 2025 latest
blonde runs

A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

blonde jokes

A dictator!

What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator!

dirty jokes

incredible Sulk

What is green and sits crying in the corner? The incredible Sulk.

stupid jokes

pick their nose

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine

dad jokes

unfaithful espresso

Did you hear about the unfaithful espresso? It was grounds for divorce.

pun jokes

A married man

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"

dirty jokes

goes to a church

An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession: Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old." Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?" Man: "I never have, I am Jewish." Father: "Then why are telling me all this?" Man: "I’m telling everybody!"

dirty jokes

shower is fun

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera

dad jokes

blonde runs

A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

english jokes

honeymoon hotel

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your t*ts dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

dirty jokes

prostitute

Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "Heck. My wife is better than that." The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "You know? Your wife IS better."

dirty jokes

redhead are all

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all on a building about to jump off. They all jump at the same time. Which one landed last? The blonde because she asked for directions.

blonde jokes

Italian mother

An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill you." A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat all the food on this plate, I'll kill myself."

short jokes

Santa goes into a bar

Santa goes into a bar in New York. The man on his right orders a drink, 'Johnnie Walker, single.' The man on his left says, 'Jack Daniels, single.' Santa says. 'Santa Singh, married.'

santa banta jokes in english

bad news

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

stupid jokes

thief hire a maid

Why did the thief hire a maid to plan his vacation? He wanted a clean getaway.

pun jokes

got carded

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.

dad jokes

find a tiny Coke

Where can you go to find a tiny Coke? Mini-soda.

pun jokes

12 inches long

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

dad jokes

get a haircut

Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!

dad jokes

didn't know what

I met a giant once. I didn't know what to say so I used big words.

pun jokes

Waking up this

Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.

pun jokes

redhead all work

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." The next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"

blonde jokes

robber sticks

A robber sticks his gun in a Scotsman's ribs and demands, "Your money or your life!" When after a moment there is no answer, he repeats his demand, "Your money or your life!" to which the Scotsman replies, "I'm thinking it over!"

short jokes

get a squirrel

How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut

dad jokes

Wife wanted

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

english jokes

going on ahead

What did one hat say to the other?" "Stay here! I'm going on ahead

dad jokes

A blonde redhead

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here.

blonde jokes

An old couple

An old couple is ready to go to sleep. The old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies down on the floor. The old man asks, ''Why are you going to sleep on the floor?'' The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."

dirty jokes

Malaysian plane

Q: Why was the Malaysian plane lost? A: Because an Asian was driving it!

short jokes

may I interview you

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

dirty jokes

girl in a bar

A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He asks her, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."

dirty jokes

Santa is in Delhi

Santa is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Santa says agrees. 'Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder.' The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Santa figures he has been made a fool by that man. On the next day Santa is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. 'Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder.' Santa gives him another thousand and says, 'Oye, I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder.'

english jokes

ski lodge

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

dirty jokes

William Sexfear

According To William Sexfear Every Wife Is A Mistress For Her Husband. Miss For One Hour And . . . . Stress For The Remaining 23 Hours.

english jokes

blond and a brunette

There's a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, "Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."

blonde jokes

famous person

You should only have sex with a famous person if you really, really genuinely want to tell people about it afterwards

dirty jokes

dog used to chase people

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away

english jokes

you trust stairs

Why shouldn't you trust stairs? They're always up to something.

pun jokes

The women need

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

blonde jokes

my stuff

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

dad jokes

brunette delivers

There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

blonde jokes

such a passionate kisser

Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser… What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!

english jokes

zero say to the eight

What did the zero say to the eight?" "That belt looks good on you

dad jokes

favorite prize

Q: What's a WASP's favorite prize? A: The Lilly Pulitzer prize.

short jokes

child birth

From what I understand about child birth, it changes you ‘downstairs’. I like my downstairs the way it is thank you very much. I certainly don’t need an extension

dirty jokes

Google male or female

Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

english jokes

I’m just so nervous

Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation. - Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.

english jokes

Deviled eggs

What do evil hens lay? Deviled eggs.

pun jokes

English teacher

I’m going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. She’s particularly annoyed at my improper use of the colon

dirty jokes

his buddy

There is a fellow who is talking to his buddy and says, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped." His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" The first fellow does just that. The next day, his buddy asks, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours!'"

dirty jokes

Bartender

Bartender: “What’s the matter buddy?” Man: “I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.” Bartender: “What did you do?” Man: “I told her to get the hell out!” Bartender: “What about your friend?” Man: “I looked him straight in the eyes and said ‘bad dog!’”

dirty jokes

I made a pun

I made a pun about the wind but it blows.

pun jokes

white people running down

Q: What do you call white people running down a hill? A: An avalanche. Q: What do you call Mexicans running down a hill? A: A mudslide. Q: What do you call black people running down a hill? A: A jail break.

short jokes

planning to get

My friend was planning to get a Labrador. Is he mad?! Hasn’t he seen how many of their owners go blind?!”

stupid jokes

bloody perfect

If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time

dirty jokes

A construction worker

A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I," then at his knee, meaning, "need," and he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw." The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate. The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, ''What the hell is wrong with you!? Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!'' The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, ''I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming.''

dirty jokes

job I can really

Making mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.

pun jokes

honey look really different

Husband: Wow, honey, you look really different today. Did you do something to your hair? - Wife: Michael, I’m over here! 😋😋

english jokes

blonde jokes so short

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them.

blonde jokes

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