1000+ Funny Jokes 2025

1000+ Funny Jokes 2025

Find the best jokes for your social media posts. Whether you're looking for funny, witty, or creative jokes, explore a variety of jokes for Instagram, Facebook, and more. Perfect for sharing some humor!

nothing special

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.”

dirty jokes

may I interview you

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

dirty jokes

A married man

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"

dirty jokes

fitted years ago

I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since

dad jokes

Santa falls in Love

Doctor Santa falls in Love with a Nurse. He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister…

english jokes

call fake noodles

What do you call fake noodles? Impastas.

pun jokes

compromise with your wife

Man: How did you compromise with your wife? Husband: She came to me on her feet. Man: and what she said? Husband: i was down to bad and she said come out, i will not say you anything...

english jokes

blond and a brunette

There's a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, "Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."

blonde jokes

porn magazine

One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?" "Well," replied the man, "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"

dirty jokes

Becoming a vegetarian

Becoming a vegetarian is one big missed steak.

pun jokes

playing bridge

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

dirty jokes

put my shoes

Dad, can you put my shoes on?" "No, I don't think they'll fit me

dad jokes

panties with flowers

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

dirty jokes

clearly never

What flutters about and clearly never had a bath in its entire life? - Stinkerbell.

stupid jokes

A wife comes

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

dirty jokes

drug dealer

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

stupid jokes

bring May flowers

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?" "Pilgrims

dad jokes

get arrested

Three people get arrested and are taken into holding for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, "What's your name?" She says, "Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second girl, "What's your name?" She responds with, "Yo Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He talks to the guy and says, "Let me guess, your name is Yo Yo Yo." The guy replies with, "No, it's Bubbles."

dirty jokes

Santa reading newspaper

Santa reading newspaper.. News: "Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump" Santa comments: Idiot !! Who told him to wear gold medal while jumping!!! 😁😁🤣😁

english jokes

I knew a blonde

I knew a blonde that was so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

blonde jokes

girl's college

Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."

dirty jokes

tried to take a photo

I tried to take a photo of a wheat field. It turned out grainy.

pun jokes

A blonde is overweight

A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?" The blonde nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"

blonde jokes

pampered cow

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk

dad jokes

wondering why the ball

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

pun jokes

sweet potatoes wear

What do sweet potatoes wear to bed? Yammies.

pun jokes

white owl and a black owl

Q:what's the difference between a white owl and a black owl. A:a white owl goes who who. a black owl goes who dat who dat.

short jokes

A husband and wife

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

blonde jokes

selling my talking parrot

I’m selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.

english jokes

funny and beautiful

“You are so kind, funny and beautiful.” “Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed.” “And smart, too!”

english jokes

barber win

How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

pun jokes

Can February

Can February March? No, but April May.

pun jokes

call a Caucasian

Q: What do you call a Caucasian person who swims across the border into Mexico? A: A white back.

short jokes

kidnapping at school

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up

dad jokes

A trucker

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick."

dirty jokes

most effective way

One sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears. Personally, I think it’s b***ocks

dirty jokes

I get this intense

Patient: Doctor help me please, every time I drink a cup of coffee I get this intense stinging in my eye. - Doctor: I suggest you remove the spoon before drinking.

english jokes

good at sleeping

"I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!

dad jokes

Wife funny

Wife: Can u help me in the gardening ? . Husband: What do u think I am...a gardener ? . Wife: Can u fix the door handle ? . Husband: What do you think I am... a Carpenter ? . . In the evening, when husband came from work, he saw everything has been fixed. . Husband: Who did all this ? . Wife: Our neighbour. But he gave me 2 options.....Either I should give him a burger or a kiss. . Husband: I am sure u must have given him a burger. . Wife: What do u think I am.......McDonalds ? 😅

husband wife jokes in english

blondes fell down

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

english jokes

walking down

A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"

dirty jokes

the economy class

There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit. She was in the economy class, but after takeoff, she saw an empty seat in first class and moved there. An attendant saw her and said, "Excuse me, ma'am, but you have a ticket for economy class, not first. You cannot stay here." The blonde replied, "I can and I will." The attendant told the copilot, who came and talked to the woman. "Ma'am, we really can't have you staying in this seat, your ticket was for economy." "You can't make me move." The copilot told the captain, who tried to talk her out of the seat but it didn't work. Finally, a man who had heard what had been going on told the attendant to let him have a go at getting the woman out of the seat because he was married to a blonde too, so he knew how to deal with her. After a quick chat with her, she moved. The shocked attendant asked him how he did it. The man replied, "I told her first class wasn't going to Detroit."

blonde jokes

Why should you wear

Why should you wear glasses when doing math? They improve division.

pun jokes

Sleep with an open window

Sleep with an open window tonight! 1400 mosquitos like that. 420 mosquitos commented on it. 210 mosquitos shared this. One mosquito invited for the event. 2800 mosquitos will be attending the event.

english jokes

bread say to the baker

What did the bread say to the baker? "You knead me."

pun jokes

Nobody ever listens

Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please!

english jokes

blonde are walking

A brunette and blonde are walking in the park when the brunette says, "Aw, look at the dead birdie." The blonde looks up and says, "Where?"

english jokes

bicycle stand up

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired

dad jokes

independent 75-year-old woman

A difficult independent 75-year-old woman liked sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought with her a whole loaf of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in the rich suburban neighborhood. Then suddenly a man in his early 40's rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. She replied in crazed anger and without hesitation, "Well, hell, I can't throw that far!"

english jokes

blonde to laugh

Q: How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday? A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

blonde jokes

don’t trust stairs

I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.

pun jokes

An Irishman joke

An Irishman, an Indian man, a British man, and a Scottish man are riding in a plane. The pilot shouts back, "We need to lose some weight or we'll crash!" So the Irishman throws out some beer and saying, "We got enough of that in our country." The Indian throws out some curry and says, "We got enough off that in our country." The Scottish man throws some bagpipes off and says, "We got enough of that in our country." Then the British man picks up the Indian and chucks him off the plane saying, "We got enough off them that in our country."

short jokes

Do not be racist joke

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

short jokes

1 million sperm

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? A: Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.

dirty jokes

Stop jumping joke

How do you get the little black kids to stop jumping on the bed? Put Velcro on the ceiling. How do you get them down? Tell the Mexican kids it's a piñata.😋

short jokes

sign of inflation

What is the sign of inflation? A Volkswagen with 12 Latinos in it.

short jokes

skeleton walks

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, 'Hey, bartender. I'll have one beer and a mop

dad jokes

Santa returns

Santa returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father, 'Dad, today we had a spelling class. All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am a Sardar?' 'No son, that's because you are intelligent.' Santa seemed content with the answer, asks his father another question, 'Dad, today we had Maths class. All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am a Sardar ?' 'No son, that's because you are intelligent,' replies his father. Happy with the answer, Santa poses another question to his father, 'Dad, today we had medical examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am a Sardar ?' The father replies, 'No son, that's because you are 33 years old.'

santa banta jokes in english

smells like worms

What is transparent and smells like worms? - A bird's fart :-)

stupid jokes

call the lesbian

What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam!

dirty jokes

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