1000+ Funny Jokes 2025 latest
Uncle Jack off
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
dirty jokes
bad news
Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.
stupid jokes
kidnapping at school
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's okay, he woke up
dad jokes
walked through the forest
Banta walked through the forest when he heard someone crying for help. He found a dwarf, stuck in a trap. He freed the dwarf, and the dwarf granted him two wishes. "My first wish," Banta said, "is a bottle of whiskey that will never fall empty." And flash, there was the bottle. Banta opened it, and drank it empty. The next moment, the bottle was full again. Banta was very happy. "What is your second wish," the dwarf asked? Banta replied, "I want another bottle..."😜 😝 😛
english jokes
finished a jigsaw
Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, "two to four years."
english jokes
cross a Puerto
Q:What do you have when you cross a Puerto Rican and a Pollack? A: A graffiti artist who spray paints on chain linked fences.
short jokes
redhead are running
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, "Woof woof!" The cop thinks it's a dog, so he walks to the next one. He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says, "Meow meow!" The cop believes it's a cat and moves on. He kicks the third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, "Potato potato!"
english jokes
job I can really
Making mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
pun jokes
holy water
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
dad jokes
A black boy joke
A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”
short jokes
A blonde is wearing
A blonde is wearing a pair of socks that don't match, one is red and the other is white. Her friend sees her out and says, "You know your socks don't match, right? You're wearing one red sock and one white sock." The blonde responds, "That's so weird! I have another pair just like it in my drawer at home."
blonde jokes
bigger than your brothers
A husband says to his wife, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time." The wife thinks about it for a few moments and replies, "Your dick is bigger than your brothers."
dirty jokes
lost my mood
I lost my mood ring and I don't know how to feel about it!
pun jokes
days are numbered
I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered
dad jokes
A professor
A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied, "He's probably playing golf with his friends."
dirty jokes
Harry prays to God
Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery. The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord! The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery! Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.
english jokes
blonde are stranded
A brunette, redhead, and blonde are stranded on the edge of a cliff. An angel appears and instructs them to jump off the cliff and say out loud what they would like to land on safely. The brunette goes first. She jumps and says, "Pillows!" She lands on a pile of pillows at the bottom. The redhead goes next. She jumps and says "Feathers!" She lands on a mass of feathers below. The blonde walks up to the edge, but trips on a rock, yelling, "Shit!" as she falls off.
blonde jokes
A guy was driving
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."
blonde jokes
The blonde’s eyes widen
A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk, “Where do you keep the curtains for computers?” The clerk answers with a puzzled face, “Curtains for computers? You don’t need curtains for computers.” The blonde’s eyes widen and she shakes her head as she answers, “Hello!?? My computer has Windows!!”
blonde jokes
Wife funny
Wife: Can u help me in the gardening ? . Husband: What do u think I am...a gardener ? . Wife: Can u fix the door handle ? . Husband: What do you think I am... a Carpenter ? . . In the evening, when husband came from work, he saw everything has been fixed. . Husband: Who did all this ? . Wife: Our neighbour. But he gave me 2 options.....Either I should give him a burger or a kiss. . Husband: I am sure u must have given him a burger. . Wife: What do u think I am.......McDonalds ? 😅
husband wife jokes in english
pig answered
A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, "Where did you get her?" The pig answered, "I won her at the fair."
blonde jokes
sell curtains
Santa enters a shop that sell curtains. He announces to Gurdaya, the salesman, 'I would like to buy a pair of green curtains.' The salesman assures him that they had a large selection of green curtains. Gurdaya shows him several patterns, but Santa seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally, he selects a smashing green floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains he requires.
santa banta jokes in english
Santa will send
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish." Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
dirty jokes
sprinter eat
What does a sprinter eat before a race?" "Nothing, they fast!
dad jokes
25 letters
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y
dad jokes
Three guys travel
Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and get lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented, but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives. The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation. He asks the first guy what his job was. "I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies. "Then we'll shoot your dick off!" the prince says. "I'm a fireman," the second guy says. "Then we'll burn your cock off!" says the prince. The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."
dirty jokes
doctor complaining
A man goes to his doctor complaining about migraines. His doctor tells him, "I also suffer from the same ailment. Every time I get one, I give my wife oral sex. When she has an orgasm, she tightens her legs around my head which gets rid of the pain. You should try it sometime." Two weeks later on a return visit, the patient tells his doctor, "Your suggestion worked and I'd like to tell you that you have a very nice house."
dirty jokes
couldn't the blonde
Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator? A: She couldn't find the "10" button.
blonde jokes
closet in the nude
A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch. She asks what's wrong, and the kids reply that aunt Sally was in the house naked. So she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed naked and sweaty. She asks, "What's going on?" He replies, "I'm having a heart attack." She says "I'm going to call 911, while I'm really looking for my sister." She discovers the aunt in the bathroom closet in the nude, and gives her a slap, "How dare you! My husband is having a heart attack and you're running around scaring the kids!"
dirty jokes
1 million sperm
Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? A: Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
dirty jokes
go to the bathroom
Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first!
english jokes
walking down
A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"
dirty jokes
a taser once
I had a taser once. It was stunning.
pun jokes
facial hair
I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me
dad jokes
12 inches long
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
dad jokes
egg drive
What kind of car does an egg drive?" "A yolkswagen
dad jokes
may I interview you
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
dirty jokes
Why should you wear
Why should you wear glasses when doing math? They improve division.
pun jokes
bicycle stand up
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired
dad jokes
receptionist
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? Thanks for coming!
dirty jokes
all trapped
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
blonde jokes
letter from this lawyer
I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore. 😜😜😜😜
english jokes
blondes walk
Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it.....
english jokes
a redhead
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
blonde jokes
difference between your boyfriend
What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore.
dirty jokes
receptionist
Q: What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say when clients are leaving? A: “Thanks for coming!”
dirty jokes
I don't trust trees
I don't trust trees. They're shady.
pun jokes
The United States
Brunette: "Where were you born?" Blonde: "The United States." Brunette: "Which part?" Blonde: "My whole body."
english jokes
blonde went into the library
One day a blonde went into the library and asked the librarian, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian replied, "This is the library." Then blonde whispered, "Oh. Can I have a burger and fries?"
blonde jokes
the newscaster
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!" Confused, he replies, "Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"
english jokes
He keeps holding her hand
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?” The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”
english jokes
tried to take a photo
I tried to take a photo of a wheat field. It turned out grainy.
pun jokes
Mexican fire chief
What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons? Hose A and Hose B!
short jokes
blonde dial 911
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven.
blonde jokes
get a squirrel
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut
dad jokes
expensive car
My friend drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends
pun jokes
married for 30 years
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"
dirty jokes
Mexican basketball
Q: What do you call a Mexican basketball game? A: Juan on Juan.
short jokes
call them bagels
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?" "Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels
dad jokes
hardened
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
dirty jokes