1000+ Funny Jokes 2025 latest

out of money
A blonde, out of money, and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides, on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning, the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
blonde jokes
a shotgun
Three women (a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette) are lost in the forest while hunting. They each have a shotgun with 2 bullets. They make a fire. Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting. She comes back with 2 rabbits. The other two say, "Wow, where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw rabbits. Rabbits ran. I shot. Rabbits stopped." Then the brunette leaves and comes back with a deer. The other two say, "Wow, Where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw deer. Deer ran. I shot. Deer stopped." The blonde leaves and comes crawling back, all bloodied and black and blue. They others say, "Wow, where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw train. Train ran. I shot. Train didn't stop."
blonde jokes
Can February March
Can February March? No, but April May
pun jokes
drifts over a desert
What is red and drifts over a desert? - A fart with a sunburn.
stupid jokes
don’t trust stairs
I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
pun jokes
operator asks
A blonde gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she's at. The blonde replies, "I'm on the corner of Walk and Do Not Walk."
blonde jokes
making Russian tea
I was making Russian tea. Unfortunately I cannot fish the teabag out of the vodka bottle.
english jokes
a mouthful
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
dirty jokes
iPad in a blender
Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender? Because she wanted to make apple juice.
blonde jokes
playing Bridge
Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand
dirty jokes
call a blonde
What do you call a blonde with a brain? A golden retriever.
blonde jokes
heels over head
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
dad jokes
Glasgow
Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common: they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips
dirty jokes
interview joke funny
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.
short jokes
scratch-and-sniff
How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom of a pool.
blonde jokes
Uncle Jack off
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
dirty jokes
good at sleeping
"I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
dad jokes
shouldn't you argue
Why shouldn't you argue with a dinosaur? You'll get jurasskicked.
pun jokes
belt go to jail
Why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants.
pun jokes
lady with big
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
dirty jokes
telling Dad
I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
dad jokes
Wife funny
Wife: Can u help me in the gardening ? . Husband: What do u think I am...a gardener ? . Wife: Can u fix the door handle ? . Husband: What do you think I am... a Carpenter ? . . In the evening, when husband came from work, he saw everything has been fixed. . Husband: Who did all this ? . Wife: Our neighbour. But he gave me 2 options.....Either I should give him a burger or a kiss. . Husband: I am sure u must have given him a burger. . Wife: What do u think I am.......McDonalds ? 😅
husband wife jokes in english
A blonde was swerving
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!" The cop looked at her and said, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener!"
blonde jokes
hanging onto a rope
There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
blonde jokes
Making mirrors
Making mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
pun jokes
get a squirrel
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut
dad jokes
Polish Navy
Why does the Polish Navy have glass-bottomed boats? So they can see the old Polish Navy.
short jokes
takes his girlfriend
A guy takes his girlfriend to his bedroom, drops his pants, and says, "Meet my little brother." The girlfriend picks up her purse on the way out and says, "Call me when he grows up."
dirty jokes
shrinking my clothes
I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along
dad jokes
blondes girls were walking
Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, "Look, it's deer tracks." The second one said, "No, it's wolf tracks" and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.
blonde jokes
holy water
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
dad jokes
paedophilia
The thing I don’t get about paedophilia… Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?
dirty jokes
bloody perfect
If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time
dirty jokes
brunette are watching
A blonde and a brunette are watching a TV show. The brunette bets the blonde $10 that the man in the episode would jump off a bridge. The man jumps off the bridge and blonde pays the the brunette $10. The brunette feels guilty because she had already seen the episode, so she confesses to the blonde. The blonde says, "I've seen it too, but I didn't think he would jump again."
blonde jokes
hotel lobby turns
A man in a hotel lobby turns to go to the front desk, but he accidentally runs into a woman beside him and his elbow bumps into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."
dirty jokes
redhead are all
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all on a building about to jump off. They all jump at the same time. Which one landed last? The blonde because she asked for directions.
blonde jokes
chocolate record
Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet
dad jokes
During a discussion
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
dirty jokes
call pasta
What do you call pasta with no money? Penne-less.
pun jokes
poor Santa Claus
What do you call a poor Santa Claus?" "St. Nickel-less
dad jokes
graveyard looks
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in
dad jokes
A blonde wanting
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
blonde jokes
Samoan climb
How did the Samoan climb the tree? He didn't. He scared the limbs out of it.
short jokes
A construction worker
A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I," then at his knee, meaning, "need," and he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw." The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate. The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, ''What the hell is wrong with you!? Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!'' The laborer looks at the carpenter and says, ''I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming.''
dirty jokes
closet in the nude
A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch. She asks what's wrong, and the kids reply that aunt Sally was in the house naked. So she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed naked and sweaty. She asks, "What's going on?" He replies, "I'm having a heart attack." She says "I'm going to call 911, while I'm really looking for my sister." She discovers the aunt in the bathroom closet in the nude, and gives her a slap, "How dare you! My husband is having a heart attack and you're running around scaring the kids!"
dirty jokes
receptionist
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? Thanks for coming!
dirty jokes
walking down
A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"
dirty jokes
letter from this lawyer
I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore. 😜😜😜😜
english jokes
A husband and wife
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
blonde jokes
A couple is trying
A couple is trying to have a baby. Finally, the blonde tells her husband, "Honey, I have great news! We're pregnant, and we're having twins!" The husband is overjoyed and says to his wife, "Honey that's wonderful, but how do you know so soon that we're having twins?" She nods her head and says, "Well, I bought the twin pack pregnancy test and they both came out positive!"
blonde jokes
hard and dry
Q. What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft? A. Chewing gum
dirty jokes
evil hens
What do evil hens lay? Deviled eggs.
pun jokes
may I disturb
At work: Excuse me, may I disturb you shortly? - Of course, what is it? - Nothing, I just wanted to disturb you.
stupid jokes
contracts
A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?"
dirty jokes
blondes fell down
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
english jokes
Before Marriage
Before Marriage - - - Boyfriend: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. Girlfriend: Do you want me to leave? Boyfriend: NO! Don't even think about it. Girlfriend: Do you love me? Boyfriend: Of course! Over and over! Girlfriend: Have you ever cheated on me? Boyfriend: NO! Why are you even asking? Girlfriend: Will you kiss me? Boyfriend: Every chance I get! Girlfriend: Will you hit me? Boyfriend: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person! Girlfriend: Can I trust you? Boyfriend: Yes. Girlfriend: Darling! After marriage - simply read from bottom to top.
english jokes
Mexican fire chief
What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons? Hose A and Hose B!
short jokes
girl's college
Contest in a girl's college: write a short story which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winner's story: "Oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it."
dirty jokes
iPad in a blender
Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender? Because she wanted to make apple juice.
english jokes
Chinese couple
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a black baby? They named it Sum Ting Wong
short jokes