26+ husband wife jokes in english 2022

stupid - husband wife jokes

Wife: If you keep losing your hair at this speed, I shall divorce you.

Husband: Oh my God! And I was stupid enough trying to save them!

controlled - husband wife jokes

Now a Days!!

Position of Husband is like a Split A.C,

No matter how loud he is outside,

But inside the house

He is designed to remain silent, cool & controlled by

annoying noise - husband wife jokes

The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is...

.

.

.

.

Jusr open the door and tell her to take Ola Cab back home!!!

bedroom mirror - husband wife jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”

throwing knives - husband wife jokes

Husband throwing knives on wifes picture.

All were missing the target!

Suddenly he received call from her

“Hi,wat ru doin?”

His honest reply,”MISSING U”

wifely elbow - husband wife jokes

My husband talks in his sleep. Unfortunately, he also snores, so I sometimes give him the wifely elbow.

“What?!” he demanded one night, still mostly asleep.

“Turn over—you’re snoring,” I said.

He did as instructed and while doing so muttered, “That’s nothing; you should hear my wife snore.”

problem disappears - husband wife jokes

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

Dance Club - husband wife jokes

A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking

Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..

At The Club:

Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?

Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?

Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football With Him

Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?

Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything , He’s On The Darts Team

In My Local

Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim

Do You Crave Special Again ?

The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..

Driver Says “Hey Jimmy Boy ,

You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time..”

Jim’s Funeral Is On Sunday

husband needs - husband wife jokes

Doctor:Madam, your husband needs rest

and peace so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?

Doctor:They are for you.!!

Sweet Heart - wife jokes

Husband texts to wife on cell..

“Hi,what r you doing Darling?”

Wife: I’m dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types “Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?”

Wife: “U idiot! I’m dying my hair..”

Husband: “Bloody English Language!

reports got mixed - jokes

Doctor: sorry , reports got mixed up.

We don’t know if your wife has AIDS or Asthma!

husband: What should i do now?

Doctor – Send her 4 jogging,

if she returns, don’t sleep with her!

beautiful woman - jokes

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

seriously ill - jokes

Husband was seriously ill.

Doc to wife :-

Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood,

don’t discuss ur problems,

no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels,

Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.

On the way home..

Husband :- wat did the doc say ?

Wife :- .No chance for u to survive

woman shoves - wife jokes

A woman and her husband stop at a dentist’s office.

“I need a tooth pulled right away,” she says. “Don’t bother with the Novocain; we’re in a hurry.”

“Which tooth do you want pulled?” asks the dentist.

The woman shoves her husband toward the dentist. “Go ahead, dear. Show him your tooth.”

massive demand - wife jokes

After massive demand from all husbands…

A new app called,”Fear” is launched in IPHONE 7

You just say ,”Wife”

and it immediately closes all websites,

hides all chats,

shuts down all games,

hide all special folders

and

deletes chat history!

and best above all,

it puts your wife’s photograph as a wallpaper.

emergency room - wife jokes

A man received d phone

from emergency room of hospital

Doctor: Your wife was in a fatal car

accident & I’ve bad n good news.

The bad news is,

She has lost both arms n legs n

will b on a respirator d rest of her life.

Man: 0h my God, whats the good

news?

Doctor: I’m kidding, She is Dead…