latest funny jokes for kids in English
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look a bit flushed.
What do you think of that new diner on the moon?
Food was good, but there really wasnât much atmosphere.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasnât born yet.
Why canât Elsa from Frozen have a balloon?
Because she will "let it go, let it go."
What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school.
What do you call a boomerang that wonât come back?
A stick.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
Where would you find an elephant?
The same place you lost her.
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut.
What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts
How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints.
How are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night.
What building in your town has the most stories?
The public library.
Whatâs worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
What is a computer's favorite snack?
Computer chips.
What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you.
How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
It waves.
What is a tornadoâs favorite game to play?
Twister.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words.
What animal is always at a baseball game?
A bat.
What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
That hit the spot.
Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 detour.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he felt crummy.
Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because her mom and dad were in a jam.
What did the little corn say to the mama corn?
Where is pop corn?
How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall.
What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Donât take me for granite.
Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.
What kind of water canât freeze?
Hot water.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree.
What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore.
What is fast, loud and crunchy?
A rocket chip.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner is on me.
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
Because when you find it, you stop looking.
What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday?
Hoppy Birthday.
Whatâs the one thing will you get every year on your birthday, guaranteed?
A year older.
Why do candles always go on the top of cakes?
Because it's hard to light them from the bottom.
What do cakes and baseball teams have in common?
They both need a good batter.
What goes up but never comes down?
Your age.
What does every birthday end with?
The letter Y.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It's roar birthday.
Why did the girl put her cake in the freezer?
She wanted to ice it.
candle burn funny jokes for kids in English
Does a green candle burn longer than a pink one?
No, they both burn shorter.
Why did the little girl hit her birthday cake with a hammer?
It was a pound cake.
Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?
Because itâs never right.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
Why was the equal sign so humble?
Because he wasnât greater than or less than anyone else.
What do you call guys who love math?
Algebros.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Go to the cornerâitâs always 90 degrees.
Why was the fraction nervous about marrying the decimal?
Because he would have to convert.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you count Dracula.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because thereâs no point.
Why couldn't the pony sing a lullaby?
She was a little horse.
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon.
Why donât elephants chew gum?
They do, just not in public.
What did the banana say to the dog?
Bananas canât talk.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bull-dozer.
How do you fit more pigs on a farm?
Build a sty-scraper.
What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?
An udder failure.
What do you call a cow that won't give milk?
A milk dud.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
Where do polar bears vote?
The North Poll
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
Ouch!
Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ssside.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools.
What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing, it just waved.
Why donât pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because theyâll just wash up on shore later.
What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
He got marooned.
How did the pirate get his flag so cheaply?
He bought it on sail.
What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
pirates.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
About a buck an ear.
Why is pirating so addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.
How do pirates know that they are pirates?
They think, therefore they arrr.
What is a cat's favorite color?
Purrr-ple.
What song does a cat like best?
Three Blind Mice.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum.
What kind of kitten works for the Red Cross?
A first-aid kit.
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives.
What did the cat say when he fell off the table?
"Me-ow."
What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you?
One is a cat copy; the other is a copy cat.
What do you get when you cross a ball and a cat?
A fur ball.
What's a cat's favorite magazine?
A cat-alogue.
What cat likes living in water?
An octo-puss.
Why didnât the skeleton go to school?
His heart wasnât in it.
How does a vampire start a letter?
Tomb it may concern...
What is a monsterâs favorite dessert?
I scream.
What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
Prank-enstein.
What kind of music do mummies love?
Wrap music.
What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
Straw-berries.
What does a witch use to do her hair?
Scarespray.
What room does a ghost not need?
A living room.
What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A blood hound.
What is a ghostâs nose full of?
Boo-gers.
What do birds say on Halloween?
Trick or tweet.
Are black cats bad luck?
Sure, if youâre a mouse.
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
A pumpkin patch.
When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
When youâre a mouse.
What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates.
What happens when a vampire goes in the snow?
Frost bite.
Why did the zombie skip school?
He was feeling rotten.
What is a vampireâs favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What instrument does a skeleton play?
The trom-bone.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Day-scare centers.
Why didnât the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had no body to go with.
playground funny jokes for kids in English
What candy do you eat on the playground?
Recess pieces.
How do ghosts wash their hair?
With sham-boo.
Whatâs a witchâs favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
Whatâs big, scary and has three wheels?
A monster on a tricycle.
Why donât vampires have more friends?
Because they are a pain in the neck.
What position does a ghost play in hockey?
Ghoulie
What do you call a witch who goes to the beach?
A sand-witch.
What do you give a vampire when heâs sick?
Coffin drops.
What kinds of pants do ghosts wear?
Boo-jeans.
Who isn't hungry at Thanksgiving?
The turkeyâheâs already stuffed.
Can a turkey jump higher than Mount Everest?
Yes, because a building canât jump at all.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside.
What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
The letter g.
Whatâs the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
The tur-key.
Where does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary.
Why did pilgrimsâ pants always fall down?
Because they wore their belt buckle on their hat.
What do turkeys and teddy bears have in common?
They both have stuffing.
What key won't open any door?
A turkey.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck on the turkey's foot.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To show he wasn't a chicken.
What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Why was the turkey the drummer in the band?
Because he had drumsticks.
Whatâs the best thing to put into pumpkin pie?
Your teeth.
Whatâs the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot.
Why did the Pilgrims sail from England to America?
Because they missed their plane.
When the Pilgrims landed, where did they stand?
On their feet.
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play.
What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A har-vest.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their age.
Where do you find a turkey with no legs?
Where you left it.
What do you call it when it rains turkeys?
Foul weather.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk?
To hatch-et.
What kind of music did Pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock.
What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
Your nose.
Why do turkeys always say, âgobble, gobbleâ?
Because they never learned good table manners.
What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
How does a snowman lose weight?
He waits for the weather to get warmer.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
What do you call a reindeer with bad manners?
Rude-olph.
Why does Santa work at the North Pole?
Because the penguins kicked him out of the South Pole.
What falls at the North Pole and never gets hurt?
Snow.
How does a sheep say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with a computer?
A pine-apple.
In what year does New Yearâs Day come before Christmas?
Every year.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
What kind of motorcycle does Santa like to ride?
A Holly Davidson.
Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing?
Because they always drop their needles.
What do you get when Santa becomes a detective?
Santa clues.
Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
It needed to be trimmed.
What is an elfâs favorite kind of music?
Wrap music.
What kind of photos do elves take?
Elfies.
What do road crews use at the North Pole?
Snow cones.
Why did Rudolph get a bad grade on his report card?
Because he went down in history.
What wears a red suit and goes, âOh, oh, ohâ?
Santa walking backwards.